Toasted and Roasted
by Effigy
Summary: Looking for an escape, Daryl turns to drugs.


**Toasted and Roasted**

Author's Note: This story has not been beta'd. Please let me know if you find any errors.

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><p>He rolled the baggie around his hand staring intensely at the contents. He didn't know why he'd held on to it for so long.<p>

He should have destroyed it as soon as he found it.

If he did though, Merle would have given him the worst beat down he's gotten in a decade. He's gotten in many fights with Merle while he was high, but it was when he was wanting that things got deadly.

Sophia and Dale's death had devastated him. He had went back to isolating himself from the group. He kept to his camp on the outskirts of the farm and rarely saw or talked to any of them.

No one seemed to care or notice.

He was tired of fighting all the damn time. He just wanted to forget and relax. He couldn't remember the last time he felt truly relaxed in his life. He was always on edge about something.

He hadn't touched drugs in what felt like a lifetime. He had quit with the birth of his firstborn child, roughly twelve years ago. It was one of the most difficult things he had to do. He was forced to distance himself from Merle, which he didn't take well. As the years passed by, watching Merle do drugs had kept him sober. He watched in silence as it destroy his brother's life and it helped to resolve himself to provide a better life for his family - one without fear. One he knew he couldn't do that if he was stoned.

But why shouldn't he now? The only reason he could possibly think of was the safety of his own life, even that meant little to him at the moment. He felt the pull of the high and without thought opened the baggie and sorted through the myriad of drugs in it.

He certainly didn't want anything that would make him hallucinate. There was an abundance of ecstasy and meth, a bottle or two of antibiotics, but in one of the corners, there were the tablets he had been searching for - hydrocodone.

He grabbed three of them and the tools that Merle kept in the baggie with the drugs. He used the well worn spoon to crush the pills on a small worn piece of glass. He hands started to shake when he grabbed the straw. He tried to divide the pills as best he could before he just manned up and snorted the lines.

He grabbed everything and thrust it back in the baggie and then into his backpack. He felt disgusted with himself.

The drug hit him faster than he remembered. His decade long sobriety probably had a lot to do with that. He felt his body relax and a floating feeling take over.

He sat there staring at his backpack for an undetermined amount of time.

His mind was blank.

He had a hard time concentrating.

He was jerked out of his stoned daze when he tent was forcefully opened. Carol stuck her head in looking like a concern mother hen.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Whut?"

"Ignoring everyone! I've been calling your name for ten minutes. We need you."

"Y'all can figure out yer own problems."

"I thought we were past this Daryl."

"Damn woman, what do ya want from me?"

"I want you to stop pretending that you don't care and come and help us...help me."

He wanted to be mad. He really did. But the drugs weaving their way through his bloodstream made it difficult for him. He wanted to be irritated that no matter how much he tried to push Carol away, she always came back. She never gave up on him. He didn't know what to do with that information. As much as he didn't want to, he felt his sluggish form attempting to stand and walk towards the farm house.

It was a wonder he was able to place one foot in front of another. He felt so detached from his body.

It was nice.

The group was convened outside just watching him as he approached.

Fuck. He choose one hell of a time to get stoned.

"Hershel is kicking us out. We have to leave in a few days, but we don't even have enough gas to get the nearest town. I was hoping that you would go with Andrea and Glenn and bring back what you can."

He stared at the ground in front of Rick's feet as he was speaking. He felt everyone's eyes on him waiting for him to answer. He was tired of dealing with all their problems. They haven't done shit for him and he knew there was little reason for him to stay. But he couldn't bring himself to leave either. So he just stood there. Mapping the pebbles on the ground by Rick's feet. Not speaking. Not moving.

He felt the rest of the group disperse and had a gut feeling it was because Rick was going to try to reason with him alone.

"Look, I know that you're upset over Sophia and you don't owe us anything, but we're forced to leave and we can't all fit in one car. We need the RV and the sooner we leave here, the sooner we can find somewhere to hole up, not just for Lori's pregnancy, but for winter. It's coming quickly and I'm just really hoping you'll do me this favor. If you want to leave after this, I don't blame you and I won't stop you."

He looked at Rick and instantly regretted it. He could tell that the other man knew. He wish he had something to fidget with. He felt this sudden surge of pent up nervous energy. He couldn't stand around any longer, so he turn and left. He heard Rick swearing behind him, but he didn't care. He had an excessive amount of energy he needed to burn off. He had no idea where you he was going, but he hoped that he would run into a walker so that he could beat the fuck out of it.

"Daryl!"

He glanced behind him to see Rick and Carol rushing after him. "Whut?"

"Where are you going?"

"Dunno, out. Hunting? Hunting walkers! Fuck, I just want to kill something."

"What are you on?"

He ripped open his tent and grabbed as much shit as he could carry. He didn't know why he was taking everything he owned, but it felt necessary.

"Are you leaving?"

"No, I'm just gonna..." Fuck, what _was_ it that he needed to do? He just felt this overwhelming amount of energy, but his mind was so cloudy that it was difficult to concentrate on what he wanted. He dropped everything and pressed his palms into his eyes. The pressure helped to clear his head, so he pressed into his eyes harder. Gas! He needed to get gas! He felt someone touch his arm. He slowly turned his head to stare at Carol who still had that concerned look on his face. That's the only way she looked at me. He ripped his arm away from her and stepped back.

"You're better than this."

"No. 'm not"

He heard Rick rustling behind him and saw him riffling in his things. He felt his anger flare up. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Rick was standing by his low burning fire, throwing everything out of his backpack. The grabbed the baggie of pills and empty them in the fire. "Merle's gon' be pissed when he finds out you burn' his shit!"

"Merle's gone, Daryl!"

"You dunno t'fuck yer talkin' 'bout!"

"You're going to get yourself killed. You're too stoned to even be out here by yourself. You're slurring your word, you can't even walk in a straight line. Are you looking for a death sentence?"

"So wut? You got no authority o'er me."

"No, I don't. This isn't how you want to live your life."

"How t'fuck wuld you know?"

"You wouldn't have been able to hide a drug problem if you had one. Now, I do not want to do this, Daryl, but I will not hesistant to kick you out if you become a danger to this group."

_"I told you little brother. They got what they wanted from you. Using you like a fucking dog to fetch that little girl. He don't give a shit about you."_

Ever since that day in the woods, he couldn't get Merle's voice out of his head. They _were _using him. He wasn't going to let that happen. He was going to leave before _they_ got _him_ killed.

"Fuck all y'all."

He started packing all his things again. He made a grab for his sleeping bag when he saw it.

It was just a single leaf, slowly floating downwards before settling on the ground.

But it stopped him dead in his tracks. Where the fuck did the leaf come from?

"Daryl, don't go."

He looked at Carol then to Rick standing behind her. And then to the tree behind both of them. He watched a gust of wind blew the leaves off the branches and swirl around Rick before settling at his feet. Neither of them seem to notice the phenomenon.

Shit, he was hallucinating. What did he take?

"You're hallucinating?"

"I say tha' aloud?"

Then the bats came. It was one at first. Nothing unusual for a night in Georgia. He watched its haphazard flight searching for food.

But more trickled in.

They eventually blotted out the sky.

And neither Rick nor Carol did anything! They just stood there, staring at him.

Once again it was up to him to save their asses.

So he did.

He bolted into his tent and grabbed his crossbow and then grabbed Carol's wrist pulling her towards Hershel's house.

"What are you doing?"

"We gotta go!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"This is bat country."

He bolted towards the house pulling Carol behind him. He heard Rick running after him and he was glad he didn't have to worry about trying to save his ass too.

He busted through the doors startling those inside the house. Everyone immediately began grabbing their weapons assuming the worse was happening. They watched him, anticipating the bad news and a game plan on what to kill and how to kill it, but he only said one word before pulling Carol into a bedroom and closing the door: bats.

Rick stumbled in shortly after them and mumbled a quick "don't worry about it" before following them both in the bedroom.

He was staring at a picture. It was a portrait of an old lady. But she was talking to him. She was telling him about the elephants, about the time she spent in Africa.

He was startled out of his conversation when he heard Rick and Carol talking quietly in the background. He knew that they were talking about. Probably trying to think of ways to get rid of him. They knew he had failed them. First with Sophia and again with Dale. His worth to the group was gone.

"Daryl..."

He slowly turned his head, but what he saw was not the man that he was used to. Rick's eyes were dead and sunken. His skin had gone pale and his mouth was black. He was walking towards him slowly, but his gait was off. He was limping.

Rick was bit. And he wasn't going to let him get to Carol.

He grabbed his crossbow and swung it in a wide arc, missing Rick's head complete.

Fuck, his depth perception was completely off.

He felt Rick tackle him to the ground. His crossbow slid out of his reach. He pushed Rick by his shoulders trying to keep his blood ridden mouth away from his body. He wasn't going out like this.

He started throwing punches, nailing Rick in the eye. He wouldn't stop swinging. Even if the fucker bit him, he was going to this sum bitch down.

He heard the others yelling and felt multiple pairs of hands grabbing him. Walkers had gotten to all of them. His group had turned into a horde.

He struggle against all of them, hitting whomever he could reach. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest realizing that he wasn't going to escape. He felt his breath come in gasps when he felt a walker grab him and throw him in a chair. Several pairs of walker hands held him down while one tied him to the chair.

He was certain that his life was going to end tonight, but instead of devouring him they shuffled away and out of the room, leaving him alone with Rick.

Walker Rick seemed to be trying to communicate with him, but all he heard was a series of gurgles before he turned and left with the others.

He was left alone in the room.

Except for the lady in the portrait.

She was trying to tell him how much he just fucked up. How fucked up he was in general.

"You best shut the fuck up."

But she didn't. The lady in the portrait talked to him for hours. And she was boring as hell. She talked to him until he had passed out in the chair, and he was pretty sure she didn't shut up after that either.

By the time he awoke, the sun was high in the sky and the lady in the portrait had finally stopped talking.

He felt terrible. His mouth was dry, he had no energy and some serious cottonmouth. He was still tied to that chair from the night before, but he was unsure how exactly he had gotten there.

He struggle against the bonds for a few moments before he was able to loosen their hold enough to free himself. Whoever had tied him down was clearly never a boy scout.

His bones cracked as he stood and exited the room. He saw Rick and Carol standing outside the room. They had obvious been talking about him. Rick sported a large black eye and a split lip and looked pissed.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"Do you remember anything from last night."

"I take it you're going to inform me."

"You were stoned, hallucinating. Got in a brawl with pretty much everyone here. Good bit of them with bruises from you. Now I've talked to them to try to smooth things over, but it's up to you to apologize."

"Yeah, but I wasn't exactly planning on rolling last night."

"But you did. And if you do it again, you will be gone."

With that Rick walked off and Daryl followed shortly after. When he got outside, everyone avoided his gaze and pretended that he wasn't even there or worth acknowledging.

He wasn't going to gravel to them. He just walked back to his camp. He was fine with being the outsider. It was just like before when Merle was still here. He could go back to living that way.

He had been doing it his entire life anyway. People don't' change.


End file.
